


a deeper understanding

by Fireborn



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Canon Universe, Confessions, Corona date, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Kingdom Hearts III - Re Mind DLC Spoilers, M/M, Melancholic but Soft, Podfic Available, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-KHIII, Roughhousing, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:00:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22523665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fireborn/pseuds/Fireborn
Summary: As they make their way down into the forest and in the direction of the wildflower clearing, everything out here ismorethan Sora remembers somehow. The world seems tosparkle. The leaves of the trees are greener, the flowers are more remarkable, brighter and more numerous, their petals floating in the air around them. The sun is warmer and the birds chirp more cheerfully, and when Sora turns his head Riku is… Riku is…(or: feeling at home inside your body is difficult when you've been through so much. Luckily, Sora's best friend is always there to help.)
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 213





	a deeper understanding

**Author's Note:**

  * For [foxdreams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxdreams/gifts).



> This fic was brought to you by the serotonin that is Data Greeting and the idea that Sora would probably need a lot of time to be fully settled in his body again after everything... 
> 
> Happy birthday, Kristin!!! This is for you!!!
> 
> Update: Now with podfic!!!! Thank you, Kai!!! :D

For most of his life, Sora has taken Riku’s presence for granted. Even after all of it — chasing Riku around and getting separated from him by a door, then searching for Riku for so long, finding him and losing him _again_ to a darkness-induced dream before being reunited once more — Sora never fully realised the depths of Riku’s love for him. Never fully understood the lengths Riku would go to, for _him_ , always him.

Riku never told him and never once asked for anything in return, always made it seem as if he had endless comfort and protection and devotion to give — and maybe he does.

But Sora knows now, ever since they made it back together. He knows in his heart — because Riku transcended the boundaries of _worlds_ and _dreams_ and _death itself_ to find him and bring him home.

As if it was nothing. As if it didn’t break both of them into a million little pieces — light and darkness, sky and land, the past and the future. Infinite stars in the sky and Riku, the sun, the brightest of them all. Sora’s gravity, his energy, and he always wants to be _close_ to Riku, wants to be in his orbit forever.

How has he never realised this before?

But he understands now, and there are no words, simply a new kind of harmony between them. For as long as Sora can remember, his entire _life_ , he’s felt _close_ to Riku, but this is not like that. It’s something deeper, something more intimate. Something that Sora can’t speak of to anyone — doesn’t particularly want to, either. It’s a feeling just for him — for him and Riku — but it’s present in every fibre of his being.

And he knows Riku feels it too.

It’s not just “we’ve both seen and done impossible things and lived”, but it’s as if Sora finally _understands_ Riku. _All_ of Riku. It’s only taken him seventeen years.

It's impossible to put into words, but then, they don’t need words when they're together. They don’t talk about it, about how this feeling has taken root in Sora's chest, and how it’s a constant warm buzz underneath his skin, the connection of the dream eater link but _alight_ , eternal, boundless. Boundless, like Sora feels in his body sometimes these days, no end and no beginning, unless he touches Riku, and he’s soothed by the knowledge that he’s not alone — not anymore.

Never again.

Touching Riku is another thing Sora used to take for granted. It’s always — almost always — come as natural to them as breathing. Riku’s warm hand in his, bashful kisses pressed to blossoming bruises, gritty fingers across cheeks to smooth away tear stains, replacing them with dirt smudges.

He’s hyperaware of all the touches now.

By wordless agreement, they both stay as close to each other as is realistically possible. Their eyes lock into shy smiles over cereal bowls or notebooks and pens, their words are often soft because they’re rarely on opposite sides of the room, and whenever they touch, Sora’s heart does this thing where it sort of stops and starts for the barest of seconds, and breathing becomes difficult — but not in a bad way.

This happens a lot because they touch _a lot_. 

Whenever they settle in to sleep either in the Mysterious Tower or at Disney Castle, Riku will wrap an arm around Sora’s stomach from behind (Sora didn’t even have to _ask_ the first night back, Riku wordlessly let him into his room and into his bed, where they were warm and safe and together under the constellation-covered sheets). They will sit pressed too close on the cosy red seats of the train to Twilight Town after the kitchen brooms hand them scribbled lists with groceries. They will study while sitting back to back on the black-and-white tiled floor of Disney Castle's library, or shoulder to shoulder in the windowsill of the Mysterious Tower living room.

They hold hands because whenever Sora holds Riku’s hand, he knows they can’t be torn apart ever again. 

But it's more than just reassurance. It’s also exciting and somehow _new_ , though they must have held hands thousands of times before. It now sends little sparks of pleasure up Sora’s arm until his chest is swelling with a restless sort of energy that he doesn't know how to burn off. 

Sometimes Sora feels strange in his own body. Too small, too restless, too unaware of the edges of where his form ends and the rest of the world begins. He thinks it’s because of the year he spent crystallised, frozen in stasis, asleep. And maybe the year in the pod before then. Or all the years in which he’s had to grow up too fast — do too much, shoulder too many responsibilities.

He wonders if Riku feels the same. Riku hasn’t spent parts of his life asleep or in stasis, not like Sora has, but he’s lived in a different body, he’s lived with darkness, and maybe Riku carries the weight of the world even more because he shoulders part of Sora’s weight, too? 

Sora’s afraid to ask, but he thinks about it often.

Not today, though.

Today, they’re on their way to Corona, and there’s no need to think about darkness or crystals or responsibilities. Sora can just watch Riku pilot the gummiship and hear him talk about Terra, Ven, and Aqua’s new team attack. Something something, earthquakes and flying ice boulders, something something.

Sora is only half listening, content just to drift to Riku’s quiet baritone voice.

Visiting Corona was Riku’s idea. Well, it was actually Master Yen Sid’s because he suggested with a long sigh that they take the day off from studying and hanging around in the Tower. (It was more of a demand, really, Sora thinks. A plea, even. “Please take the gummiship and go somewhere, both of you. Come back when you’re able to sit still again.”)

“Sitting still.” Sora pouted the whole way back to their room. “I’ll show him sitting still.”

“I'm sure you can, but.” Riku paused, catching Sora's eye with the hint of a smile. “Don’t you think it’ll be fun to go somewhere together?” 

“Oh!” That changed Sora's mind almost faster than he could process, thoughts halting and rearranging to wrap around this new idea. “Oh! Yeah! Where do you wanna go?”

Riku was silent for a moment and inclined his head so Sora couldn’t see his eyes anymore, obscured by a curtain of silver. Riku’s voice was soft and low when he spoke next. “Corona?”

“Yes!” Sora jumped three feet into the air. “I love Corona!”

When Riku lands the ship on top of one of the caves in the wetlands, Sora’s seat belt is unfastened before Riku has switched off the engines. The blue belt sign is still turned on as he turns in his seat, raising himself up on his knees, leaning forward over the armrest as much as he dares without feeling like he's going to fall off the chair.

It's been a while since he's felt excitement like this. He likes it.

“Where do you wanna go, Riku?”

Riku lets go of the control wheel and turns to Sora, his eyes a luminescent emerald green, exquisitely fond in the way Sora has come to love. Every day, those eyes are a little more tender and a little less sad.

“You've been here before…” Riku tilts his head, and feather-like lines crinkle around his eyes. “Do you wanna show me around?”

Sora jumps off the seat, overbalances and stumbles into Riku's chair. Riku's hands are on his upper arms immediately, steadying him, and Sora's face splits into a wide grin.

“Yeah!”

The board computer says it's 25 degrees Celcius out, so they leave their jackets in the cockpit and set off in their tank tops and capris.

The world outside is so beautiful that Sora feels all the melancholy and weirdness float out of him, carried off amidst the dandelion seeds in the warm, gentle summer breeze.

And it's only now that Sora realises that in the two months they've been back, he and Riku have solely been travelling between the Castle and the Tower; they've not gone anywhere else yet. Master Yen Sid wants to question him, study him, wants him to _write down_ everything he knows about stasis dreams and crystals and a guy with a blue and a red eye and all the other things that Sora remembers from Shibuya.

King Mickey wants Riku to talk about the man in the black coat and why he calls himself a Keyblade Master, wants them to look at books and questions them until Sora snaps his mouth shut and leans into Riku's side when he has no more words left.

It's all been a lot. No wonder his body feels strange, and no wonder he's all eager energy now.

As they make their way down into the forest and in the direction of the wildflower clearing, everything out here is _more_ than Sora remembers somehow. The world seems to _sparkle_. The leaves of the trees are greener, the flowers are more remarkable, brighter and more numerous, their petals floating in the air around them. The sun is warmer and the birds chirp more cheerfully, and when Sora turns his head Riku is… Riku is…

“First one in the water wins!” Sora blurts out.

They’ve always been better with actions than with words.

Riku makes it to the water first, unsurprisingly. It's not even close this time. Sora's body is barely his own again, and his thoughts are all over the place, and it's just nice to see Riku sprinting ahead of him, all grace and limbs and sunlight in his hair. When Riku's on the edge of the pond, he turns around and opens his arms, and Sora soars through the air to fall into Riku's embrace with laughter he can't contain. 

They spin 180 degrees, and Riku cups the back of Sora's head before it hits the water with a powerful splash. When they come up for air, Sora is beaming, giggling, his arms around Riku's neck, and there's no more sadness on Riku's face at all now: he's _glowing_.

The water tastes sweet on Sora's lips; it's better than the honeyed tea Riku makes him before bed, and it gives him even more energy than he already has. 

He shakes his head, sending water droplets everywhere, and Riku is distracted for a second, pulling back with his eyes scrunched shut, so Sora takes the moment to twist his hips and flip them over into shallow waters. He leans forward with his hands on Riku's chest, unable to keep the grin off his face.

“Pinned ya!”

There are water lilies near the banks of the pond, pastel pink, and they look really nice alongside Riku's silver hair, now floating around his head like a halo, his face glistening wet in the sun.

But before Sora can admire the view in front of him some more, Riku's hands are on Sora's waist, pushing and twisting, and he goes willingly, letting Riku turn them over again. His back hits the bottom with a jolt that he feels through his entire body, and he has to close his eyes because the sun shines into them, and the world is so _bright_ — has being alive always felt like this?

There's something warm and indescribable in his chest. It's a heady feeling, and it reminds him of sword fights on the beach and playing knights and princes in the Secret Place — it’s a feeling he’s only ever had around Riku.

It’s too much to keep inside.

“Riku…”

He forces his eyes open and reaches up into wet strands of hair, and when their gazes meet Sora stops breathing. Riku has let his walls down for Sora ever since they reunited, but Sora has never felt it more than right here, right now. There's a tenderness between them that brings tears to his eyes.

“Yes?” Riku exhales.

Sora blinks, and the words escape him yet again as his breath hitches. “Nothing. I just—”

 _I love you so, so much_...

The water is shallow, just a few inches, like a pleasantly warm cocoon around him, and Riku's weight is as comforting as it is a little scary — but only because Sora doesn't ever want to take Riku's closeness for granted again.

Riku brushes wet fingers over his cheeks and temples, and Sora can't tell if the moisture there is tears or water from the pond.

When Riku sits up, Sora moves with him, arms around Riku's shoulders as Riku holds him up by the waist, and they're just smiling at each other for long moments until Sora pushes at him again, and they grapple, splashing around in the water without any real force or meaning.

Touching like this is different. It's safe, but it's also _weird._ For so long, Sora hasn't really _used_ his body, and he's still floating in and out sometimes. It will take some time getting used to being fully aware again, but having Riku's warm solid weight to push against helps, it makes him relearn his own movements — the edges of his form, and the beginning of Riku's, and how they move so well together when they touch like this. 

When they're both completely soaked and out of breath, Sora pulls Riku up, and they climb the forest hillside to sit together amidst the yellow violets to dry off.

Sora puts his head on Riku's shoulder, turns to nuzzle his nose in the crook of Riku's neck to exhale the familiar smell of his skin, the earthy sweet smell of the forest flowers and the sunshine.

Riku's hand is on his thigh, and while Sora watches his fingers splayed against the dark, wet fabric, he trembles a little because no one else touches him like this. No one grounds him like this, no one else teaches him how to be back inside his body again like this.

They sit in comfortable silence until their shirts, at least, have fully dried, and Sora is content just to listen to Riku’s deep, even breathing. Nothing makes him feel more alive than Riku’s chest expanding and deflating in a steady rhythm — it’s calming and comforting, because Riku is his home and it’s the best physical reminder that Riku is _here_.

“We’ve never done this,” Riku says eventually.

Sora doesn’t ask what he means, he just hums, waiting for Riku to explain.

“We’ve never travelled somewhere _together_. We’ve always been on opposite sides, or chasing each other, or in different worlds, or in dreams.”

Sora looks down towards the water and thinks of Riku standing in the surf, his hand palm face up. “You've always been reaching for me…”

“You weren't ready,” Riku says softly, and immediately after Sora feels him tense up at the words, as if he's spoken without filter, something Riku is getting a little better at. But Sora doesn't take the words the wrong way. He _wasn't_ ready for what Riku wanted all those years ago. He needed to find himself, first.

“I am, now.”

Riku nods, his damp hair tickling against Sora's cheek and neck. His fingers curl into the fabric of Sora's trousers, and Sora hesitantly reaches out to grasp Riku's fingers with his. They unfurl, slowly, and Sora laces them together like an intricate little puzzle. 

He bumps his shoulder against Riku lightly, just to get Riku out of his head and back to Sora's side. It works because Riku bumps back, and before Sora knows it, he's tugging Riku down and they're tumbling over backwards into the flowers.

Sora laughs, his insides warm and full, especially when Riku laughs with him, and then they're rolling over and over, their bodies pressed close together, a playful fight for something Sora doesn't even know. They stray dangerously close to the slope towards the clearing down below, and with a cheeky smirk, Riku _pulls_ , then wraps Sora close and they tumble downhill over the grass in a tussle of limbs.

They come to a halt with Riku on top, their faces so close that Sora can feel Riku's warm exhales brushing his lips, their noses are almost touching, and he goes a little cross-eyed trying to maintain eye-contact.

“Pinned ya,” Riku says softly, and Sora beams up at him.

Sora remembers the trick he used to do when they were younger. He lets his muscles loosen, lets his arms fall to his sides, tricking Riku into the idea that he's surrendering. But the moment Riku relaxes above him, Sora tenses every muscle in his body again and reverses their positions in one fluid motion.

“I can't believe you're still falling for that.”

Riku's eyes flash and he opens his mouth, but the retort dies between them.

Sora has the vague notion that Riku let him win, but it doesn’t matter. This was never about winning, anyway. He lets his body go soft and curls himself into the space below Riku’s arm, his head against Riku’s chest. When Riku’s hand finds its way into Sora’s hair, Sora exhales deeply. 

“Riku?”

“Hm?”

“I want us to always be like this.”

There’s a pause, and Sora bites his lip while he studies Riku's face and waits. Riku blinks, his eyes a mix of curiosity and apprehension. “Like what?” 

“I want to be with you like this.” Sora knows his words are not enough. He doesn’t know how to talk about this feeling inside of him. “I want to hug you and touch you. You make me feel… safe and at home. I want to _be_ with you. I want all of you.”

Riku gently combs through Sora’s bangs with his fingers, and Sora feels his eyes droop at the soothing motion. “You have me, Sora. Always.”

Sora raises himself on an elbow in the grass, his other hand resting on Riku's chest. Riku’s eyes are shining, wide and so full of emotion. “I mean…”

“I know what you mean,” Riku whispers.

And Riku has always been picking up his slack, filling in his spaces, but this time, Sora needs to get the words out. For both of them. There shouldn't be any more unspoken truths between them.

“Iloveyou,” he says in a rush of breath. “I love you so much…”

Riku's face lights up, brighter than the sun itself. He brings his other hand to Sora's cheek, and he's probably giving him dirt smudges again, just like when they were little.

“I love you, Sora. I love you more than you'll ever know. I always have.”

The words echo through Sora's entire being; they leave him shaken and warm all over. He knew, of course; he's maybe always known. But like he said, he's ready now.

He smiles. “Can we stay here a little longer? Just us? Like this?”

Riku's thumbs brush his cheeks, his fingers warm on Sora's neck. “Of course.”

Sora buries himself back into Riku's side, where he belongs, his ear over Riku's heartbeat, his arm slung across Riku's waist. He doesn't know if it's roughhousing, or the confession, or the way he feels safe and comforted beyond measure pressed against Riku, but like this, he feels settled into his body. He's conscious of all the points of contact between him and Riku — cheek to chest, hip to hip, one leg curled around Riku's. And it feels... _good_. Safe. Quiet and easy like he hasn't felt inside his body for a long time.

He sighs happily and gestures vaguely up at the sky.

“I wanna visit all the worlds with you, Riku. I wanna show you _everything_.”

“I want that, too. We've got time, Sora. We've finally got time.”

They lie on the grass, basking in the sun as they let their capris dry fully, and Sora doesn’t know if he’s ever known peace like this. His body is finally beginning to feel like his own again, and there's Riku — always Riku. 

More than anything, Sora knows they're both finally ready for whatever the worlds will continue to throw at them, as long as they’re together.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me about Sora and Riku on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/fortheloveinyou) :)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] a deeper understanding by Fireborn](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22672759) by [KaiserinAstraia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaiserinAstraia/pseuds/KaiserinAstraia)




End file.
